I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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