he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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