we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
