people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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