that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
