She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
