Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
