you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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