he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
