life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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