We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
