there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
