the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
