HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
