I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
