Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
