It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
