I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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