How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
