you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
