dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
