Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
