new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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