Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
