i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
