My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
