How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i now understand why vodka
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
