Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
