after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
