Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
