he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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