we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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