Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
