So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
