i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
