Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
