hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
