i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
