A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
