that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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