yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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