Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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