I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
