I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
