yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
