Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
