I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Randomize
