If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
