I wish life had little blips of pornography
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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