Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
